I did it!

I can not believe I did it.... but I did.

 Today, even after a few days of being sick, I completed my 10k run.

 I am fricking stoked!

I know compared to others this is nothing.

Luckily, I'm not others.

I am so beyond proud of myself.

I have accomplished so much these last few months.

I have found my determination, focus, life-force and center again.

I keep setting up goals for myself then knocking them down and making new ones.

I love this Tiffany. 

I have missed her.

I will never give her up again.

The next person who walks into my life will pretty well have to be damn near sainthood to keep me.

I know my value..

Possibly for the first time ever in my life.

Everything that I have been through has built me up into this amazingly strong individual that I am now.

Life is good.

*Tiffany*

To a new start..

Wow, it has been a very long time since I wrote anything on here. Life always seems to get in the way... family, obligations, stress, work and the list goes on and on. 
  I recently went back and read my old post and my heart was completely saddened for the young lady that wrote those words. She was so overwhelmed, lost and burdened that she felt she had nowhere to go.  She felt alone. Spiraling out of control. I wanted to reach out to her. Tell her it will all work out. That she makes it through and thrives. That she finds peace. Happiness. Hope.
   I have done so much soul searching the last few weeks. So much so that I don't think there is any place I haven't looked or haven't thought over a hundred times.
  I owe so much to one person in particular that it hurts. I don't think I ever told them enough just how very important they have been to me. I wish I could go back. I wish I could of had my head on straight before it was too late. Before I missed my opportunity. To quote the song LOSE IT by the ever great Eminem:

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?
Yo

I let my opportunity slip away and I hate myself everyday for it. I needed to say:

You helped me find myself again

You helped me find happiness

You provided me with a very dear friend that I hadn't had in a very long time

You dear... you gave me hope... the greatest thing you could have ever given me.

Hope... a four letter word that means so much to me now. I would of never guessed that I would treasure it so.  In September. . I was hopeless. I went through something completely alone. While I knew it was for the best. While I knew that it was what I needed.. I felt completely lost and alone. When I thought about my future.. I didn't really see one. I never thought anyone would even glance at me if they knew I had 4 little ones. Which at this point and time is just fine with me... but some point I will want to have someone to smother in love and affection. Eventually, I'll crave having someone to wake up to. Someone to grow old with. To share new experiences with when the kids are grown and away. 

  I needed to believe that there was hope for a future with someone special in it.  Now.. thanks to a wonderful dashing man.. I do. He will probably never know how big of an impact he had on my life.. my future.. because I missed that opportunity. I missed my shot at telling someone that they made a major difference in my life and I am forever grateful for that.

Don't miss your opportunity. Don't wake up a day too late with things you wanted to say yesterday.

Thank you. Thank you everyday for giving me so much more than I feel I deserve.
*Tiffany*

Running for peace of mind

For the first time in 9 years I have taken time to find the real me. The part of me that has likes and dislikes. The part of me that has thoughts outside of her kids. Don't get me wrong I adore my children with all of my heart and I do not have any regrets of giving them all of me for the past many years.  I do have to admit that I have enjoyed finding myself again. I forgot how kind, compassionate, creative and strong I am.
  I started running a few months back as just a way to get through time and feel better about myself.

 However, since around Thanksgiving I have become obsessed. I ran my first 5k last week and am training for a 10k in the very near future. I've become so obsessed that I practically have to force myself to have a rest day. This is a good thing and a bad thing. I love that I have an outlet for my thoughts. I love that my body is becoming stronger.  I love that I can feel myself becoming a more determined person. Flip side to the coin is.. I hate that when I miss a day I become so incredibly sad.  I had to have a rest day. My body demanded it. So I complied. The beginning of the day wasn't bad but by the end I had enough. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. I hate this. What have I become? True, I have a great deal on my mind these days but it truly is awful to feel like the only way to be normal is to run until I can't take another step.

My mind, body and heart will someday be on the same page. They will work in unison and I can not wait. I look forward to that happiness.  The contentment. Just the thought makes me smile. 

*Tiffany*