Some ramblings

I had all these grand ideals in my head.. things that needed to be released.. to relieve some of my burden.. my heavy heart.. my worries.. but here I sit.. with nothing to write.. nothing to say..

My eyes burn and hurt... 

Feelings of tiredness overwhelm..

Loss and pain cover me completely...

I had read the last post I had wrote on here before today and I spoke of all this happiness that was bound to come my way...
the illogical me... full of misdirected optimism.... always thinking that I deserved better.. deserved good... o what a fool I am.. I get it now.. I truly do.. Happiness will not befall on my home.. not on me.. and I am okay with that. I wanted something.. something more.. something I never thought Id want or get.. but now.. now I know that it is not something in my future.. and I am okay with that. I can be just as complete without. It was always a foolish sentiment anyhow.. for me to believe I should ever have anything of value.. of truth...

She was trying 

hard to be strong. 

to forget. 

to erase all those memories 

but it was hard for her to let go 

of the happiest she had felt in such a long time.

to let dissolve all those good times, smiles and all the love.

it was true.

it was honest.

it was more than she could have hoped for.

it ached down within to give up on

all of that.
yet she knew she couldn't go on
with late night text and the thoughts
inside her head..

so she was trying
@tinynmoments

What the ^%@& is wrong with me

Seriously.... what is it about me that sucks soo much.
Why cant I just stop sucking?
I fail at everything. When I am not failing I am destroying all the good in my world.
So I ask again.... what is it that makes me this way?

The last few months have been pretty crumby... the past few weeks have been even worse though...
The stress from so much came all at once and I see no way out of it.. I'm stuck... I have no options.. I'm stuck in a house I have begun to truly hate and I am completely lonely... I sleep on a couch because my bed feels too large. I sit and cry for hours knowing there is nothing that can be done to stop the tears from pouring down. 

What happened to the girl in the post previous to this one.. the one that had hope and strength... someone just tell me why I suck sooo damn bad!!!!

Things were going so good in my life until the last few months and now everything is falling apart and I cant stop it... 
I am nothing. 

She felt her life drain from her face

as she spoke of goodbyes

there were only two things

holding her on in this world

and now she was 

down to one