Waking up happy!!

 Today, (technically yesterday as this is being posted on Saturday) I woke up to the feeling of happiness!!! ME!! I woke up with a smile on my face. A true genuine smile. I do not know when the last time that occurred. That smile continued well into the day. Still a smile on my face at lunch. I felt like I had not a care in the world. It was truly fabulous. I even took a picture because it is such an untrue event that I did not think I would believe it come tomorrow.

  After the kids nap time I noticed I was beginning to feel heart heaving but it was quite short lived.  It was like a rush of relieve hit me and I was very content with everything once again. I felt as if for once I no longer needed to worry. That things would work out for the better.  As the night grew near I felt so much happiness that I was prepared to almost forgive all stupid and selfish decisions made by my worse half. That feeling also quickly vanished when the realization that a simple word couldn't even be given the appropriate time it deserved. I was left feeling sadness for my children once more.... there was a lack of feeling on my part of disappointment or anger.. mostly because it was to be expected.

 ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

  After months of wanting nothing but to seize life here.. I have found so much strength to live. To be the best for my children. To protect them. To love them. To be their voice when they feel that they no longer have one.  I was that child... the voiceless. I paid heavily for it as a child and as an adolescent. Those scars I still carry with me. Struggle with them. Many days the depression from those memories becomes so unbearable that I want to lock myself up in a padded room. I have searched out helpful facilities numerous times. My true happiness will come in time. I will find the courage to gain my own voice. Who knows.. perhaps with my own experiences I will help another individual who remains voiceless and scared.