Here I am many months since the last time I wrote. .. yet I am in the exact same position as before.  I am trying so hard to find a way to make it through the next 14/15years..

It has killed me to make it this far. Literally killing me.  I've attempted to check myself into mental hospitals on more than one occasion.  I wish I would of been able to find a way to make it work. . Not that I'd ever be able to leave but at least it would save me from myself.. my thoughts.