My Freeman Beauty #BAREFOOTbliss Exfoliating Polish Review

   I was recently given a coupon for a Freeman Beauty product from my local Walmart to test out.  Let me first say that finding the products were the worst part of this adventure. I went on vacation and brought the coupon with me and searched three different Walmarts with no such luck. I came back home and searched the two nearest Walmarts and still had a terrible time finding it. Once I finally did find it there was only two left on the shelf, which is probably part of the trouble finding it, it seems to be a hot commodity in these parts.
  Now with my victory score in hand I raced home (abiding all stop lights and speed limit signs of course) and tried it at once. After all I had just been on vacation for a month with daily visits to the pool and many days of being barefoot and/or in flip flops. I tested it out on my overly dry feet and they felt fabulous. My piggies were so soft and invigorated.

  With a name like Barefoot I was kind of thinking that it would only be useful on my feet but it says it is a complete body exfoliant. So the next adventure in trying out this product was using it on my hands. I don't know many women who are not concerned with the look of their hands. I mean it is what everyone sees  when you shake hands, show off a ring, wave at the neighbor or are using the self checkout lines at the local grocery store.

  The texture is amazing. It is creamy and shimmering even after rinsing it away I felt like I was still shimmering. My hands were still soft hours later. I was worried that my hands would smell like "feet lotion" but the smell is very pleasant and I plan on using the exfoliant again on other areas that could use some softening.

  Overall I am very very pleased with this product and highly recommend it. The only real complaint is that I wish it were easier to find in stores.

All thoughts in this review are my own based on my personal experience with the product. 
Your results my differ. #contest #BAREFOOTbliss
I received this product complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Here I am many months since the last time I wrote. .. yet I am in the exact same position as before.  I am trying so hard to find a way to make it through the next 14/15years..

It has killed me to make it this far. Literally killing me.  I've attempted to check myself into mental hospitals on more than one occasion.  I wish I would of been able to find a way to make it work. . Not that I'd ever be able to leave but at least it would save me from myself.. my thoughts.

God knows what he's doing right?

Sometimes I have to question if I even show up on his radar. Maybe I just need to go higher... be closer.. then maybe I would be heard. Seen. Helped.

I am incredibly overwhelmed.  I just need one friend, one person,  who can just tell me it's all going to be okay.

It breaks me every extra day that I spend here. It's an uncontrollable sadness and hurt.

The fake smiles that once came so easy are far and few between now.
How do people live like this?
How can anyone Go everyday living a lie and never break?
How can they watch the person they love break their heart and continue to stay?

I tried for so long... seems like forever... and there is no way I can make it any longer.

It is heartbreaking when you look at your relationship only to find you were the only one trying.  Only one giving.  Only one caring. The only one wanting it to work out. Attempting to salvage what the other person clearly already knew was not salvageable. Because how can you salvage what is not there?

I would of given anything.... In almost 8 years I have nothing to show.. nothing to take. Nothing left to give.

leaving

I was hoping to leave once the kids were out of school for the summer...
I have decided against that.. and instead I'm going to leave without them.
And much sooner. I am going to spend the rest of the week writing them each a letter.
Maybe two or three. There is so much I want them to know and hear before I go. So much I want them to remember. .

 There is so much I want my words to do for them. Heal. Guide. Be a reminder of all the love we had for one another.  To apologize for deceiving them. For not setting an honest happy marriage for them to model in their own lives.

But for today and the next few days.. I'm just going to give all of my love an attention to them.. and hope that's enough.

lyrical...

Sometimes songs just say it all.

This old heart of mine won't let you break it
Not again, not again
It hurt so many times and I can't take it, not again
Cause I'm hardly breathing
One more teary eye, or sleepless nights
Just might kill this heart of mine
Hardly breathing, hardly breathing

*Brandy- Hardly Breathing*

Running away

What if... you could run away....... would you?
 Ignoring obvious obstacles such as children, work and the alike.

I think about running away from my life on a daily basis. If it were not for having children I would surely be gone by now. I would love nothing more than to disappear into the crowd and never return.  My children keep me grounded. Keep me here. I wonder if one day they won't be enough to keep me from leaving.  The feeling just becomes so overwhelming sometimes.
This week I have been physically ill from stress and heartache.
I find myself talking to myself throughout the day.. trying to convince myself that I am still on the right path. My children interrupt my crying sessions with their simple hearts full of questions.  I do my best to still my sorrow until they are off playing once more but it is hard on my already fragile body. I eat very little.  And even the slightest bit of worry makes me dry heave.
With all of that though.. I stay around.
But if I did not have little ones around would I?
I feel pretty sure that I would be long gone living under some pseudonym.
Am I crazy?  Probably.
Do I want to continue on this lonely sad road. . No.
But I have no other options right now.