To a new start..

Wow, it has been a very long time since I wrote anything on here. Life always seems to get in the way... family, obligations, stress, work and the list goes on and on. 
  I recently went back and read my old post and my heart was completely saddened for the young lady that wrote those words. She was so overwhelmed, lost and burdened that she felt she had nowhere to go.  She felt alone. Spiraling out of control. I wanted to reach out to her. Tell her it will all work out. That she makes it through and thrives. That she finds peace. Happiness. Hope.
   I have done so much soul searching the last few weeks. So much so that I don't think there is any place I haven't looked or haven't thought over a hundred times.
  I owe so much to one person in particular that it hurts. I don't think I ever told them enough just how very important they have been to me. I wish I could go back. I wish I could of had my head on straight before it was too late. Before I missed my opportunity. To quote the song LOSE IT by the ever great Eminem:

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?
Yo

I let my opportunity slip away and I hate myself everyday for it. I needed to say:

You helped me find myself again

You helped me find happiness

You provided me with a very dear friend that I hadn't had in a very long time

You dear... you gave me hope... the greatest thing you could have ever given me.

Hope... a four letter word that means so much to me now. I would of never guessed that I would treasure it so.  In September. . I was hopeless. I went through something completely alone. While I knew it was for the best. While I knew that it was what I needed.. I felt completely lost and alone. When I thought about my future.. I didn't really see one. I never thought anyone would even glance at me if they knew I had 4 little ones. Which at this point and time is just fine with me... but some point I will want to have someone to smother in love and affection. Eventually, I'll crave having someone to wake up to. Someone to grow old with. To share new experiences with when the kids are grown and away. 

  I needed to believe that there was hope for a future with someone special in it.  Now.. thanks to a wonderful dashing man.. I do. He will probably never know how big of an impact he had on my life.. my future.. because I missed that opportunity. I missed my shot at telling someone that they made a major difference in my life and I am forever grateful for that.

Don't miss your opportunity. Don't wake up a day too late with things you wanted to say yesterday.

Thank you. Thank you everyday for giving me so much more than I feel I deserve.
*Tiffany*